Artistatheart

Death and Dying

I wish that I was dead.
I thought about it everyday.
But I realized all too soon
That I’ve been dead all along.

I’ve been dying everyday.
My body’s wasting away.
I’ve lost a sense of reality.
My mind is deteriorating.

This is the worst kind of death
To be living, but dying.
To be dying, by living.
To be the walking dead.

-.-.-

To be the walking dead

To be the walking dead,
there is no point in living.
Everything is meaningless.

You truly have nothing to lose
until you start living for
yourself and by yourself.

You are fearless and reckless,
no longer part of this world.
Free from everything,
bound by nothing,
forever.

Let it Loose

Barely suppressed--
A walking contradiction.
What is right, what is wrong.
What should, and what will.
Desire incarnate, no control.
And yet caged, these emotions:
hatred, anger, distrust, paranoia,
frustration, depression, sorrow,
fading, dying, “dead”.
Snuffing out that fiery light.
But the grounds shook
and the seal is broken.
Control, order and law.
But I will let the beast loose,
embrace the darkness in me.
And force the world to crumble at my feet.

Out of Control 
-Holo

Out of control I was,
full of emotions and life.
And now, because of love,
I killed my heart and died.
Logic took over and I can
see much clearer now.
I woke up from my dream.
But I am empty, a shell.
I’m tired and exhausted.
But I can feel it, the
Darkness taking over,
consuming all that I was.
And once again I am
new, a different
person all together.

Twice, I asked for your heart.
And it seemed that you are never sure.
Once you have already broken my heart.
And yet I still love you.
But what are we now?
Do we pretend again?
It’s too much to think about.
Too much pain.
So we’ll be fools once more.
Best friends, right?
No one will ever know
That you had kissed me
Last night.

Darkness 
-Holo

The darkness exposes my weakness.

It crawls around, takes over and consumes.

It changes, it shapes my view of The World.

And I am forever changed, forever tainted.

I never had innocent eyes to begin with.

I am only naïve in that I am foolish.

But the darkness is coming.

I am trapped, cornered and repressed.

Am I one of the fallen?

Am I fated to rise, only to fall?

All I have admired have fallen.

Am I to fall too?

How far can I go?

How long can I live?

Is it karma that things happen?

Is God speaking to me through events?

Why am I here?

Was I only born to keep bonds?

What is my destiny?

What is my fate?

Who am I?

Broken 
-Holo

I am glass.

Sharp, shiny and easy to the eyes.

Break me and I scatter.

Hurt me and I break.

I step over myself, I hurt.

I break and I am broken.

I am the darkness.

I lurk in the shadows.

The light hurts.

I want to fade.

I am glass and darkness.

I break, I scatter.

I fade from the light.

I am dead.

Fin.

Countdown

- Hollow

10

Oh how the days flowed.

9

Oh how the nightmare begins.

8

Oh how things may be even.

7

Could I ever reach heaven?

6

Is there some time?

5

Will I think of what will happen?

4

Do I have a raison de’tre?

3

Life has no meaning.

2

I will make a choice.

1

This is my final day. 

0

End or Continue Game?

Children of Hearts
-Holo

We are the children of hearts.
We smile with not a care to the world,
our eyes bright with innocence
though sometimes it is pretense.

But our heart is of a child’s.
We laugh, we cry, we dance.
We are aware of the reality.
We are not delusional or blind.

Because even if we are adults on
the outside with our serious matters,
we are always children on the inside.
We smile and make hearts out of hands.

Title: You

Fandom: Original

Author: Gothatheartholo

Rating/Warning: PG13 for cussing.

A/n: Practicing with present tense, second person. Also letting out some emotions. Ha. Ha. Weird, weird writing/poetry-esque.

This pain 
-Holo 

This pain,
this numbing pain
that consumes me whole.
It kills me, slowly, this meaninglessness.
Everything’s changed so fast, nothing becomes
everything and everything becomes nothing; what is
the point of life, when there is none? When you have
no one to connect to? For my thread’s been cut, for I no longer
can connect to this world; there is no point in living, there is no point
in trying to connect when you are alone, when your destiny is to be alone.
And now the darkness will forever haunt, the demons will come out.
The demons will kill in sleep, the dreams that become nightmares;
the happy memories tainted and time passes by; nothing to do,
no one to be with; loneliness comes in a form of a knife.
It cuts the veins, creating the blood of life, and you
will live again and again and again, but reminded
of how everything has changed, of how there is
only pain, this numbing pain that consumes,
the nothingness that comes, the darkness
that becomes you and you wonder
just what is you and what you
are, whether you are you.
And your reason,
your lack of it,
all gone.

Title: Sunset Suicide
Fandom: Original
Author: Gothatheartholo
Rating/Warning: PG13 for the subject of suicide and morbid (black) humor
A/n: … <.< exploring things. Will probably edit more of this later, when I feel like it.

( ...Once upon a time... )

 

Suicide Kiss
-Holo

A problem isn’t one
unless it is recognized.
How can you deal
with something that
is not real?

If only I can ignore,
if only I can escape,
but there is no point
in doing so.

For nothing is everything
and everything is nothing
Twelve years of living.
Six years of dying.

If only I have the courage,
the knives, to carve myself
some wings; if only I had
a real reason for living.

So close I am now.
Fallen into the darkness.
Death gazes into my eyes
and gives me a final kiss.

Out
-Holo

Let me out.
Let me out.
Set me free.
Let me be.

Feeling feverish, I awoke
and gazed at the shining red moon.
A demon sleeps within me;
it wants to be free.

It calls out.
It sings.
It wraps its arms
around me.

Seductive.
Alluring.
Let me play, it says
and I surrendered

because I was gone,
already gone.
Suffocating, lonely,
I no longer knew who

I was.

Fin.

Hatred
-Holo

How it makes my stomach twist and form knots.
How it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
How it fills the emptiness in my heart.
How it fills me with rage.

It triggers the darkness in me
that I thought I had vanished.
But the darkness is still there
buried deep inside of me

Instead of being angry, I become sad.
Instead of being sad, I become angry.
But I rather be angry than be sad
because it shows my weakness.

Isolation, ostracism, aloneness.
I never belonged here.
This meaningless, pointlessness of life.
Perhaps when I am alone I will

find the reason for living.
But for now, I want to hate it all,
so I can break away, so I can be free,
so I can live, so I can forget

how I love it all, how I take
nothing for granted,
how I appreciate
everything.

Fin.

Despair
-Holo

With eyes like these, blind and fearful,
I cannot see to see through fears and obstacles.
With feelings like these, fear and doubt arises.
With impulses like these, time will only slip away.

I want to shed them all, to pass over the limits,
to do the impossible, to be immortal,
to risk everything, to conquer everything,
to survive, to be secure, to be trusted.

Distraction worsens the feeling of despair.
Despair crawls under my skin and rests there.
I cannot get past anything, I cannot see past the past.
Fear clouds my thoughts, cowardice is I personified.

I want to reach a hand, but nobody offers.
I want to be helped, but there is no help.
Is it then that I’m truly alone?
When despair wraps around me, trapping me?

I want to find the light, the end of my sorrows.
I will go insane otherwise, trapped in this comfort cage;
of endless toys, of endless amusement. Meaningless
meaningless things. I will not go anywhere

unless I shed everything of myself
and be reborn again.

Listen to your heart
-Holo

The heart beats; it is
the driving force of
Life. It can’t feel
Emotions, it can only

respond to it, from the
Mind, and how it works.
If you listen to your heart
you can only hear the heartbeats

Of course, it’s all metaphorical.
Doesn’t have to be taken literally.
If you listen to your heart, it doesn’t
Mean you ignore what everybody says

You consider what people say.
You consider what your heart wants.
Try to find a balance, try to decide.
Think of the repercussions, consequences,

what it means, what it doesn’t, what you’ll lose,
what you’ll gain. Of course, the heart is easily persuaded
by logic, feelings, whatever makes sense, so you don’t know
how you will go, so you listen to your heart,

what your heart wants
because in the end,
that’s all it truly
matters.

Fin.

The Type of Girl
-Holo

I am the type of girl who is
afraid of what others
would think.

I am the type of girl who
does not care what she wears
but is ashamed to face her friends
because she would not be intelligent
in their eyes because of her bad grades.

I am the type of girl who
thinks she is the worst violinist
in her group of violinists yet
enjoys being there because she adores
the group very much because
she belongs, belongs somewhere
at last.

I am the type of girl who is
afraid to post her writings
and poetry because of the rejection
of her ideas, which in turn rejection of her
yet she posts them on a daily basis
because she likes the thrill
of breaking the rules,
risking so much
and comments.

I am the type of girl who
can relate to anybody
because we are all afraid
of what others would think
since we see a piece of ourselves
in others who we can relate to.

Fin.

Destiny
-Holo

To say that you decide your own destiny is to say
that you make up your own purpose.
Friends, family, society and genes may
define who you are; can you only

see yourself through other people?
You look at yourself, at what you do,
though that is not all simple.
You think about what other

people say and then you think
for yourself, to see if they match.
Ideal and real, are they in sync?
Then you do because plans don’t work.

Time passes by; destiny awaits.
Life is finding who you are,
where do you belong and the fates
if you believe in those, can control

you or not; it’s up to you to decide.
Everything is all constructed.
All you need is your mind
and a will, for the mind is

your power; your power is your mind.
Your will is your body; your body is your will
and then you can never be blind
because you are only lost

if you don’t know who you are.

Title: The Wine
Fandom: Original
Author: Gothatheartholo
Rating: PG13 for implications…
A/n: Original drabble.

----

The glass shimmers in the glowing moonlight. Pale fingers lift the glass and press the smooth cold surface against full red lips. She sips as though the very liquid is the elixir of life, the path to immortality. She tilts her head back, sighing longingly, her eyes fluttering, the red liquid sliding easily down her slim throat. She breathes slowly, crouching her head, her vision blurring.

“A toast to youth,” she murmurs bitterly. Her fingers slackens its grip and the glass falls, the pieces of it scattering like glittering diamonds across the shining floor.

Finally her eyes close.

The end.

To the darkening Sky
-Hololicious

When you don’t know who you are,
when you’re lost in this deep void,
what do you do to get far?
This isn’t something you can avoid.

For years, you followed the rules.
For years, you’re numb and listless.
For now, you’re not one of the fools.
Yet you still lose yourself in this mess.

So you feel everything, see everything.
For what price? You get overwhelmed.
You get stuck, just thinking, never doing
anything to save yourself.

So you break the rules, you walk alone
with your eyes closed, smiling.
You can’t see anything, a lone
warrior you are, just humming

to calm your nerves, to forget all
emotions, thoughts, everything
you have acquired, lest you fall
deeper into the void; a fragile thing.

So be reckless, be ambitious, don’t think.
Don’t feel, just do and do, be blind.
Forget the consequences; don’t even blink,
Because nobody else is as kind

to bring you the light
that’s at the end of the tunnel,
that’s the end of your fight.
Your obstacles, your struggle

that will eventually come to you
if you try to run away, so face it
now so you don’t have to do
much when you lie down that it

when you close your eyes for
the last time, still smiling.
At peace, finally, no more
fighting, no more struggling.

Rest in peace.

----

A/n: Inspired by Miyavi's song, "Girls Be Ambitious".